Spending "Your" Life

Unloading the dishwasher against my will yet again; I had a momentous thought. This is how I am "spending" myself. What am I buying with my time, my physical energy, my attention? Surely I am of more value than this busy work. A line of my poetry came in to haunt me: "A golden mind overworked vainly by time..." But here is a true thought: My life is not my own because I was bought with His blood. So, I am spending the Life (as Jesus said,  "I am the Way, the Truth, and The Life"). Another scripture floods my mind as the plates are clinking... that "in Him, I live and move and have my being." (ACTS 17:28) I am reminded that depression means NOT living IN HIM but in MYSELF. My breath is His; it is borrowed. My coordination is His; somehow mathematically he balanced my body to walk upright and straight. Some people want to clean up their home, long to, but must pay someone else to do it as close to how they want it done as possible.  They work and long to stay home and do it because it is a gift one gives to themselves--a clean, smelling good home.  I guess I am fortunate that I can load the dishwasher; however, I was fantasizing having an outhouse...be patient with me, my flesh dies very slowly...

 that I wouldn't have to clean (except with a water hose) or deal with a bathroom in the house at all--before you think I am a weirdo, let me tell you, I have three teen boys that share one bathroom. I think an outhouse is in order. And before you think I should have trained them right, know this is a mother that googled the disgusting bathroom issue and implemented a point system with Cheerios target practice in a bowl on the back of the toilet. It didn't have staying power and food in the bathroom is not the best idea. I sewed elastic hooks on the sides of color coded  towels to see who was responsible for the wet towels on the floor, etc. Let me get on to the momentous idea:

The Parable of the Talents in the Bible I have understood superficially. My momentous thought that loading the dishwasher WAS investing my worth into my family added a 2-D view of the parable. Actually doing these service acts makes the Word 3-D. The wicked servant buried what God gave Him to serve with. He had no Kingdom vision or faith. He didn't "spend" himself. As a result, God called him lazy, wicked. He gives us a "talent" or a "value" and what we do with what we have is our gift back to Him. I guess pride (self preservation gone too far) is at the heart of the issue. Am I telling you washing the dishes is a gift to the Lord? Yes. I am. You are serving your own family...something you would long to do if you had to look on them but couldn't help. I mean if you were barred from it by court order, divorce, health issues or as a spirit looking on them from Heaven.

"ummm, I don't know where she learned that stuff..."

• To the Mom with little kids that can't get off the phone (because it is her "sanity" or escape)
• To the spouse that refuses to make themselves "miserable" by being a companion in   an activity your spouse is passionate about
• To the wife complaining what about me, I, my 
• To the parents living for what they want with the money instead of giving your children a chance and choices...

I once argued aloud "I DE-SERVE some ME time." While balance is a key issue in all this, a lot of parents DE-serve their families when they take their ME time in the wrong way or at the wrong time. I mean, I had ME time but I didn't feel refreshed afterwards--just resented having to go back home and felt it wasn't enough. I was missing the order that God gives when we rely on Him.
$PEND YOUR$ELF on who matters while you have them. They are worth it! He is worthy to be praised (with what we have to work with) and He doesn't like grumbling and complaining--it's faithless and wicked--OUCH!
Father in Jesus Name,

Please forgive me for my blind ungratefulness. Thank you for my family and all the things I have at my disposal to make a difference. I know there are women out there that would knock me out of the way to have what I have. Please give me vision for my family and not one of my own dreaming lest when the kids turn out to be teens, they shock and devastate "my" expectations. Help me to see that what I do does matter to You and will eventually to them. Please tell your Holy Spirit to teach me as I work mindless, boring duties to serve my family and to value the time I have to spend in this way. I know this is temporary but it seems endless. Give me prayers and discernment about my children  as I fold my children's clothing. As I pick up their room again, stop my eye-roll midways and keep it on You.  I ask for your presence in their rooms and for no evil to approach them as they sleep in their beds. Help me model to them what discipline is without the wickedness of grumbling and complaining. Help me get it in my own heart and behavior before I berate them, yell and scream character insults at them for not doing it. Help me not punish them for pointing out how my own room is an awful mess while I have been cooking, washing and paying bills. Help me declutter and have wisdom so I do not have to maintain so much! In Jesus Name, Amen~